Chapter 31 - South Beach - Lucidity

Nowhere


Standing on the edge of a hole, a big hole, a pit in the ground, Kestral stared down into it. Where’s my house?

It was the right place, wasn’t it? Wasn’t the house supposed to be here? She went to school and came back and she knew this was where she lived…what happened to the house?

Don’t be scared…don’t be scared. Hasn’t this happened before? You’ve seen this before…

Curling up on the edge of that pit, Kestral peered over the edge. It was deep. And very empty. Not anything down there.


Daddy…standing there looking down…The other houses were still there, only their house was gone.

“Where’s our house, Daddy?”

Her father smiled at her. “We don’t need a house, birdie. We’re going to live in the trees.”

The same strange thing he always said…She was dreaming…this was that dream again. That feeling…like she was trapped in the hole. She couldn’t live in a tree! Where was the house?!

And like it always happened, it got harder and harder to talk, but she was so angry, she was yelling at him, and he looked hurt. “I don’t want to live in the trees! I’m not a real bird!”

And then she was…

But even with wings, she could never get out of that place with the hole in the ground…

University -- East Lombard Loop


She’d been screaming again…frightened, fighting out of the dream, and it was as hard as clawing her way out of that hole. Kestral threw off the sheets and sat up on the side of her bed.

Always the same stupid dream, and it wasn’t even 5 a.m. and now she was wide awake. She’d be exhausted by the time she closed down the restaurant.

Coffee…drink a lot of coffee, she told herself. Right now.


It didn’t help. And the taste…Colin bought the beans last time. What on earth? It was like…whatever it was like, it wasn’t good.

She set the cup down and headed for the patio. She needed air.

Before she reached the door, Kestral heard footsteps behind her. “Kes?” her brother spoke quietly, “are you ok? I heard yelling.”

She was still shaken, and went on out without answering, looking out into the predawn darkness, wind blowing curtains, leaves, flowers.

“Kes?” Colin persisted, following her. “Are you sick or something?”

She sat down on the stone steps to the patio. Colin edged carefully past her and stood there, looking at her.

“I’m dropping out of that biology class,” Kestral told him.

He got that look on his face, and crossed his arms and said nothing.

“It’s in my way,” Kestral explained. “I can’t start cooking if I’m in that lab until three in the afternoon. It won’t work, Colin. And I already know how to dissect a frog. I can use a knife better than anyone there and you know it.”

Colin still said nothing.

Why did he always make her feel as if she wasn’t doing the right thing? Struggling with the shadow from the dream, but determined, Kestral insisted, “I told you I didn’t want to go to college! I don’t want to do this, Colin!”

“Are you crazy?!” he erupted. “You want to end up like Dad?! Living out of a damned tent or a treehouse or whatever fucking idiotic thing he decided was ‘good enough’?! If you drop that class, Kes, you’re not even a half-time student! You’ll never graduate!”

They never lived in a treehouse, or a tent, but a lot of the places had been equally strange. Kestral shivered, but doing it Colin’s way wasn’t going to work for her.

“I’m not Dad, Colin. But I’m not you either. I need to create, and I do that with my cooking. All the bio classes in the world aren’t going to help me do what I need to do. Please stop it. Just stop it and let me do what I need to do. Please?”

Kestral wasn’t certain what she would do if Colin walked away from the deal they had. She could cook, but the business end of the restaurant, the people end, she needed him for that.

“Drop it then,” Colin finally told her. “I think you’re making a mistake, but I’ll hold up my end. And Kes, get out of the kitchen once in a while. Quit hiding in there.”

“I’m not hiding, Colin,” Kestral said, hugging her brother, relieved. “When I want to get out, I’ll get out. And thank you.”

“I won’t let you down bird,” he whispered. “It’s ok. Go do what you want to do.”

University Park Drive - West


Shit, Ericca thought, sucking on the finger she had just cut trying to slice the hunk of bacon. Eggs, bacon, bread in the toaster…Marc sitting there at the table watching her. It was the first time she’d tried to make a serious breakfast. Something more than cereal, and she wasn’t very good at it.

Well, it would have to do. She put the plates down, still not sure there was enough food for him or if she’d cooked the eggs the right way. “Is it ok, Marc?”

He smiled, speared a piece of bacon with his fork, and held it out. “I don’t know…maybe you should try it first.”


“Open up,” he teased in that deep voice she liked so much.

It didn’t taste that bad. Not as good as what her mother made, but not horrible.

Marc sat back and looked at her, still smiling, “You’re not dead so I guess it’s safe to eat…I could use a lot more bacon next time. And four eggs.”

Relieved, she started eating, watching him dig into what she’d made for him. “Ok, four eggs and a lot more bacon.”

“And some coffee,” Marc added. “If you can make coffee. No big deal if you can’t, but if you can, that’d be good.”

Coffee…she could put something in the machine but how good it would be…“I’ll make coffee.”

Marc reached out across the table and took her hand, the skin on his fingers rough, calloused, a bruise on his wrist. “It’s ok, Ericca. My dad burns everything. Food. Coffee. Orange juice. I’m used to it. It doesn’t matter, it’s not important.”

Marc put down his fork, stretched, and said, “I’ve got to get going. I told Dylan I’d get some piece of crap he left at the Student Union last night, and then I’ve got to pack…my first away game is at Oceanside this weekend.”

He stood up, wandered through the living room and sat down on her couch. Following him, Ericca curled up on the floor at his feet, the toe of her left foot touching Marc’s big sneaker. Definitely big feet in those shoes…Marc looked down at her, quiet, his easy smile affectionate. Already anticipating his absence, Ericca told him, “I’m going to miss you.”

“Me too…” Marc leaned over the couch, looking down at her with warm green eyes, then added, “Your brother has a place at Oceanside, doesn’t he?”

It was the strangest thing to say. Coop’s vacation place at Oceanside…why would Marc be thinking about that? Cooper was the last person Marc would drop in on anyway. “I guess so but Marc, he’s on tour. He’s already gone. He won’t be there. Beth might be there but not Coop.”

Marc clasped his hands together, and his gaze dropped away from her and down at the floor. He shifted on the couch. “I just asked.”

And then abruptly got up and walked out.

Stunned, Ericca walked out after him. “Marc!” she demanded. “What’s going on?”

He looked past her, over her shoulder, as if focusing on something in the distance, expressionless, then drew a quick deep breath and faced her.

“Nothing.” Arms folded across his chest. “Nothing is going on. I’ve got an away game at the same place your brother has a house. What’s that make for him – four? Five? I asked, that’s all.”

Ericca wouldn’t see him again for days, and she didn't want to make him mad the day he left. Still, she wasn’t going to let this go, and she wasn’t convinced it was about Cooper’s house. It didn't make any sense. “Who cares how many houses he has? I don’t care! Why is that such a big deal?”

His whole attitude changed. His long full mouth tightened. Marc shifted his weight, spread his legs, and glared at her. “I don’t give a damn how many houses he has. I’m going to be in Oceanside. He’s got a house there. That’s all I asked…and it’s got nothing to do with you and me – he’s not getting in my way on that. I’ll come by later after I pack.”



How long, Ericca wondered unhappily, watching her boyfriend walk away, was this going to continue? Was it going to get better over time? Or was it going to get worse…

University - Student Union


After dropping the bio class, Kestral walked across the courtyard outside the Student Union, intent on at least getting a few bucks for the book. She couldn’t return it, but she could put it up for sale with the used books.

She felt lighthearted, relieved; no matter what Colin thought, no matter if she never graduated, she was doing what she wanted to do and maybe finally climbing out of that hole in her life.

She left the book with the cashier…

and started out, and there he was. The guy who had spent so much time at the restaurant the other night. The cute guy.

Before she could make up her mind whether or not to say something, he stopped in his tracks, turned and grinned at her. “Hi,” he said, “remember me?”

A little thrill ran down her spine. Lithe, comfortable in his body, and on top of that he had a rich, smooth voice, a voice like dark chocolate.

“It would be hard to forget someone who ordered everything on the menu,” she replied, smiling, “even though I noticed you didn’t actually eat most of it.”

“I sampled it,” he assured her. “Everything was really good. You’re a great cook.”

Well, she would have preferred ‘chef’ to ‘cook’, but it didn’t much matter right now what title he used. “I’m Jason Mitchell,” he continued.

“Kestral Westover,” she responded.

“I remember,” Jason told her. “It’s an unusual name.” And then added hastily, “Pretty though. I didn’t mean it’s weird.”

“That’s ok,” she laughed, intrigued. Not many guys would have semi-apologized for calling her name weird. “It is weird.”

Jason hesitated, then asked, “Want to get a cup of coffee?”

She hated the coffee they served here, but decided she could probably fake swallowing it. And she wasn’t about to turn this down. “Sure, I’d like that.”

She followed him out, back onto the wide court, walking through the light mist from the fountain. The morning sun was warm. But the coffee…the more she considered drinking the mud they called coffee, the less she liked the thought, and coffee wasn’t what he was interested in anyway.

“Jason,” she began, “can we skip the coffee? It’s really horrible.”

A small half smile played on his mouth. It was hard not to stare at his eyes; he had really vivid and beautiful sapphire blue eyes. And ok, a very strong nose, but it made his face interesting. The unexpected punch that made a dish spectacular, memorable.

He sat right down on the warm stone, crossing his hands over his knees. “That’s fine with me.”

Kestral stretched out next to him although it was a little tricky with her high-heeled boots.

Jason slid his sneakered feet a little towards her, and Kestral paused, thinking about it. So far it had been a great day. The class was gone. The book was gone. And she really liked this guy.

Watching his smile widen even further, Kestral eased her legs between his.

“So what are you majoring in?” Jason began, glancing down at her legs, then right back directly at her, his expression comfortable and calm.

“I’m sort of trying to avoid majoring in anything,” she admitted. “I’d rather cook. What about you?”


“Music. I’m in a band with my roommates.” It seemed like he was going to add something, but he stopped at that.

Kestral let her head drop back, fully in the moment, her eyes briefly closing. The random whish of the fountain jets, the light, warm pressure of his leg against hers. And he was a musician…he felt like a musician. Food was sensual…and so was music. This was entirely good.

“Hey Jason!” someone called out. A very big guy who looked faintly familiar was walking purposefully towards them through the fountain, one long stride after another.

Jason uncoiled and stood up, arms folded across his chest, regarding the other man, who continued to approach. He was not looking at Jason. Those green eyes were pinned on her.

And that gaze made her intensely uneasy. He still looked familiar but she was certain she’d never met him. Had she served him a bad meal? Kestral wondered. But he didn’t look angry…just…well…strange.

Jason stepped out slightly in front of her, narrow eyed now. “Hey Marc,” he greeted him warily.

“What’s up?” Jason pressed.

Marc didn’t respond, still staring at her. “I’d like,” he finally said in a tense voice, “to meet your friend. I think we have a mutual acquaintance…”